R

To the guy I love: 

Thank you. 

I am so glad that you came into my life again. It's relieving to know that everything is slowly back to how we used to be, in fact, it is way much better than the previous time. It's like all my hopes and wishes came true and it felt like it was worth the wait. To be very honest, I was already losing hopes because I got tired, it felt like nothing will be the same but I guess, I was wrong. It is better than I expected. The day we sorted things out, it felt surreal yet deep inside me, I felt like I was lucky enough to be given another chance to amend things. 

I said to you before, I am so bad at words and sometimes, I am bad at showing you how much I appreciate you. I am sorry about that, but give me some time, probably sooner or later, I'll surprise you hehe. 

You know, I don't think I've told you this before but you've shown me so many things that I thought it was just those stupid theories and quotes. I doubted so many things because I was unsure about several things that happened to me. I kept questioning myself, "Do such people even exists?" That question had been on my mind for quite long and I didn't trust any guys words. It can sound very cliche and cringy but it was you who showed me otherwise.

 It was hard at first, to really accept the fact that you were different from the people I met because I was drowning with so many doubts and thoughts which were why we failed previously. I was so afraid to step into a relationship because of my past and maybe that's why I became selfish. I compared too much with my past and the person I am then and it scares me a lot because I didn't want history to repeat itself. I was so afraid of getting hurt again and facing the struggles. Despite knowing the fact that I had feelings for you, I chose to be selfish and hurt you. I was in despair, that woke me up because I realized that I was hurting myself too. The fact that I want to be with you but I was scared and didn't bother trying, it hit me hard... so badly. So, I decided to wait for you until I am tired. 

7 months... I waited for you for 7 months and miraculously, you appeared. At first, I thought that it will never work because people always say that if things failed once, it will never be the same no matter how much efforts it is being put in. I didn't give myself so many hopes but I took the chance to try. & look where we are right now? Here, together again. 

Given this chance to be with you again is honestly one of the best gifts I received this year. You make me so happy, even when you sent me "I love you", that makes me really happy. You're so genuine about your feelings and you honestly, honestly, made me feel so special. When we met during your birthday, and you hugged me, I sounded like as if I didn't want you to hug me in public but the truth is, I felt lucky and really happy. You see, I don't know how many times I used the word 'happy' because I AM REALLY HAPPY. You said it doesn't matter where we were going as long as you can spend the time with me, you know it really made me smile. Look, you're a very simple guy but you're so genuine and so loving and that's what attracts me the most. 

I can go on and on and on talking about you here, but I don't want to reveal too much because it won't be fun anymore, hehe. I just hope you know that my love for you is still the same since day 1 and I hope that this relationship and journey will bring us far. I want to spend quality time with you, create memories with you, take perfect pictures together and share with you my stories. May this be a smooth journey for the both of us, and I love you for who you are. 

I love you Ridwan. 

With lots of love, 

heyleesa x